By Erica Holbrook
By the time my daughter turned 11, which was in 2016, social media was exploding. Adults as well as kids were on a path to constant messaging, imagery and artificial connections. I recall looking at my “500 friends” pictures and posts on Facebook thinking these were the most beautifully put together families on the most exotic vacations or showcased in their perfect homes. Wow, I thought my life sucks! But, I was old enough to realize that this was my perception based on picture perfect moments captured for very intentional posts.
Now imagine your tween/teen seeing constant pics and posts of flawless people sharing incredibly priceless fun with equally perfect friends. What looks like effortless pics and posts, are actually hours spent creating flawless images. But that doesn't matter. The goal for your tween/teen now becomes beaming unblemished photos, friends and experiences on various social media platforms for likes, comments, status and followers.
This increased screen time creating a perfect social media identity while constantly comparing themselves to others is now where they find value and affirmation. As a mom, you're no longer just dealing with one school or one friend group. You find your tween/teen inundated with posts and pics from global influencers, targeting them to look and act a certain way and even buy products to attain social media rank and value.
Comparing and seeking acceptance is a very normal tween/teen phenomenon. We all remember how important it was to be part of the ”in group” at school when we were teens. Even if we weren't, most of us were able to find other groups through sports or hobbies. We were making relationships based on interactions with real life people with similar interests and values. Although this is still part of the tween/teen experience today, social media has exemplified the desire to be perfect, valued and accepted by masses of people across various technological platforms. It's a never ending cycle of being viewed as the latest and greatest. Images and words travel lightning fast across them too opening up your tween/teen to cruel comments or rumor mills.
This relentless pursuit of image perfection is extremely stressful and time consuming. It takes your tween/teens attention away from school, activities and actual human interactions, even with you. In those times you do find yourself face to face with your kid, you find they are anxious, short and preoccupied. Wanting to help, you ask what is wrong and are met with a quick “nothing” response or eye roll.
You begin observing that your tween/teen rarely comes out of their room, ceases to have friends over or takes part in once loved activities. What is happening you wonder. In this series, I will discuss what social media is, the negative effects it can have on vulnerable tweens/teens and solutions to help you and your tween/teen to make it through. For right now remember, you are not alone in this.
